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5 Lessons I’ve Learned As A Step Mom

*Family Is What Happens When Two People Fall In Love*

–Sometimes, you’re going to feel like they hate you–

I am not a biological mom yet, but I can only imagine this is not just a step mom feeling. I remember telling my mom growing up that I hated her and wasn’t going to every be like her. I think its a parent/parent figure feeling, and the best thing I have found to work for our family is expressing how you feel and why it makes you feel that way in the most appropriate way possible for the child and the family.

–You’re not their mom–

You may not be their biological mother, but you can still be a mom figure. This situation is different in EVERY family. It depends on your situation and what you have agreed upon with your significant other. Some kiddos will call you mom, some will call you a nick, name and some may jus call you by your first name. Its whatever is agreed upon with you, your significant other, and some times the biological mom. As the kiddos get older they may throw the phrase ” your not my mom” in your face and we just need to be prepared and have a conversation about how the family works!


Ask, Ask, Ask! No matter if its the birth mother, your significant other, or the child! Always ask how they are feeling, what they think, and how you can make things better! This ties into communication which we will chat about next, but assuming is the WORST thing you can do!

–Communication is key–

I seriously think Allen and I would have lasted only 1 date if we didn’t have amazing communication from the get go. This is something I am very passionate about and believe is KEY in ANY relationship! I am very lucky in the fact that we communicate very well with each other, so that eliminates that specific stress for us. But on the flip side we do not communicate well with Axten’s birth mother, and this does create stress on us as a team and on Axten. So how we get around that is do our best to communicate with each other & Axten and remind ourselves that we can not control her actions or change her. Which has been something I have had to work really really hard on.

–There are going to be ups and downs– 

We all secretly know this already don’t we?! I feel like this applies to life in general not just being a step mom! Life is always going to happen, and so one of the biggest things I have learned as a step mom is to embrace the up’s and downs. Find something that you love, this will help you get back to a “normal” routine faster when the downs do hit!

*If you think my hands are full you should see my heart!*